i don’t want to go back to work

i think that most new moms battle with this feeling. don’t get me wrong, i’m extremely grateful that i have a job to go back to. unlike after having mini, this time i actually have a source of income. i’m very happy that i don’t have to worry about how i’m going to pay for food, diapers, clothes, etc. but again, unlike after having mini, my mom isn’t going to be keeping abc.

at the time, i really slept on the importance of having a family member–someone you trust–take care of your newborn child. now on the verge of having to send my newest baby into the arms of a potential stranger, i really appreciate having my mom and my network in myrtle beach keep mini until she was 7 months. at 7 months i wasn’t worried about her going to day care. i was grateful for it in fact. she went to school with the first baby she’d ever met, my friend’s son. i trusted them. it was good.

this go round is very different. unfortunately we don’t have friends or family that could keep her for the first couple months of her life. and the anxiety is building about having to leave her. it’s not so much that i don’t want to go back to work. i like my job. i like the people i work with. in fact, they’re all parents and will understand if i’m mopey my first week back because i’m missing my baby like crazy. i’m tearing up now just thinking about it.

i really want abc to go to the school that mini goes to. i love them. i trust them. my first born goes there and they love her, hug her, discipline her, and genuinely care about all the kids that go there. but you get what you pay for and believe that this school is an arm and a leg. it’s affordable, but expensive. there’s a “babysitter” that my co-worker uses that’s significantly cheaper that i’ll be calling on to check out soon but gosh, my anxiety is so high. i really don’t want to leave my baby with someone i don’t know and don’t know if i can trust.

*le sigh* the joys of parenthood.

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